Okay! I wasn’t going to review this movie, because all I really had to say about it was “yeah its a fairly good remake 7/10” and I hate reviewing movies If I don’t have anything to say about them, but then…that god damn ending.
Okay first things first, the movie does a few things differently, this time mark Walberg is the protagonist he is no Charlton Hesston but he got the job done fairly well, the human ape relationship is now more slave then animal but they still are treated has animals, even though they can speak this time around, there is more focus on the apes which leaves mark whalbergs character pretty bland by the end of the movie, the special effects are obviously better now but i feel like sometimes it actually made the actors breathe worse or something because some of them sounded a little weird to me.
there is nearly two hours of film in this movie, and the only thing that sticks in my mind when I’m trying to describe this to you, is that god damn ending, sure stuff happens in this movie and its good, make no mistake that while this movie is a bit more standard than the original it is a good take on the story even if it is a bit clichéd at some points, and again…I must say this, I know there is no definite theory no law of time travel and parallel dimensions but I have go at this again, Don’t fuck with time travel!
MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD
Okay, so the ending, Leo after saving the day and having happy ending says fuck that to his ape girlfriend, long story and tries to go back to earth by throwing himself into another electromagnetic storm !this is the kind of shit that made the fantastic four and goes trough it two times unarmed , anyway after that he ends up supposedly on earth more or less modern day but not back on his own year of 2029, which I wonder if well have space stuff like that, do he crash lands right in the Lincoln memorial, and has soon has they start to pan behind the statue I’m like, no…there not going there..no no they can’t be this stupid.
Yeah they are…they really are…look even with parallel dimensions of everything you can imagine, how does this make sense, how would apes evolve in the exact same way humans do why would they dress the same why would they even have the same vehicle designs everything is just wrong, I could sit here for hours and explain why this is stupid, okay disregarding the time travel and parallel dimensions, no civilization grows the same has humans this is of a level of self centered bullshit that I can’t even begin to explain, okay why is there an Abe Lincoln ape ? why is there a thade in this universe that his Abe Lincoln and his carved like a human with apes head, how can you come from an excellent timeless ending to this ? a theory that I heard is that this Is a parallel dimension where everything is the same just with apes…well fuck me right you can just explain everything like that now, plot holes ? oh no this is a parallel dimension where this makes sense, maybe you can find me a parallel dimension where Prometheus doesn’t suck too right, come on this is just lazy writing for a “twist ending” if you can even call it that, I shouldn’t even be pissed because no one cares about this movie, don’t believe me ? lets just say there’s a reason the original had 5 sequels and a prequel and this movie dint even get a sequel that it so desired with its sequel bait piece of confusing shit ending, god damn them, God damn them to hell!
If your going to remake it , remake it better!
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